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I'm numb. Painfully numb.

On Tuesday, Morgan and I were shocked to find out that I am pregnant. You may remember that we were on a break from the meds this cycle because of the Clomid cysts. Well, it happened anyway.

So we went to the RE for blood work since my history requires early monitoring. We got our results later that day...Betas came back at 77. 

In a healthy pregnancy, that number should double roughly every 48 hours. So I want back for a repeat test today. The results were not positive. 

My betas today were at 129. They hadn't doubled and weren't even that close. I also started spotting a tiny bit late this morning. 

So, we are facing our fourth miscarriage. The RE did say that some babies are just slow growing and sometimes take closer to 72 hours to double. But all things considered he wasn't particularly optimistic. We will repeat the blood work Monday which will hopefully give us a better idea about what's going on. 

I don't want to do this...face the next few days. It's too hard. It's too sad. It's too painful. 

If you're the praying type, please say a prayer for me and for this baby. We need all the prayers we can get. 


cpcable said…
Oh, Nicole! My heart goes out to you. I hope for reassuring news for you on Monday and that you find the strength you need. You're in my thoughts.
I've been praying all day. Love you lady.
Thinking and praying for you so much! I wish I had tremendous words of wisdom that would immediately still any turmoil, or physical advice that could point you in the direction that's just what you need. However, I know the outcome is in God's hands, which is the safest place for it to be, even though for us mommies sometimes it can be close to the scariest place because we know that we can't do anything more to help it or change it! I am praying, and will be praying, and watching and waiting for an update on Monday (hopefully a wonderful, exciting one!). If you need anything, although we only 'know' each other online, email me anytime - familyforGod(zero)(two)(at) I will be glad to offer advice or just *listen* if you need to vent a little without having someone in your face! :)
Anonymous said…
I'm truly sorry. I am thinking of you and sending our love and support.
Claire said…
Lots of prayers. I hope you and Morgan are able to find some peace this weekend while you wait.
kjw said…
I'm so sorry that you are in this limbo. Praying hard for you and the baby.
Anonymous said…
Will be thinking and praying for you!! Hoping for good numbers Monday.
I am so sorry to hear of your news. Praying for you and your family.
Nicolette said…
There is nothing I can say to make this better or easier but please know so many are thinking of you at this time. You will be in my thoughts.
Unknown said…
My heart and prayers go out to you.
Unknown said…
Praying for good numbers and a healthy miracle pregnancy. Limbo sucks. There's no nice way to say that...I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Kira said…
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Sending positive thoughts your way!

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