Skip to main content

94 = Number 4

77
129
94

The grief is unspeakable. This was not my rainbow baby. There may never be a rainbow baby.

I'm in a dark place. Any control I felt I had over my life is long gone. And I don't understand why or how this is happening again. But it is. 

4 miscarriages in 11 months. 

The physical loss hasn't happened yet, so these next few days will be long ones for me. I apologize in advance for my absence. 

But, I do want to thank everyone who reached out to or prayed for me and Morgan over the last few days. Your support really is unbelievably helpful and comforting. 

signature

Comments

Anonymous said…
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You don't know me, but as someone who's experienced multiple miscarriages, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. ((big hugs))
Unknown said…
Oh Nicole, I am so so so sorry :'( My prayers are with you and Morgan and your family.
Heather said…
oh no i'm so sorry nicole :(
Katie said…
I am so, so sorry, Nicole. :(
Dyan Robson said…
I'm so sorry, Nicole.
Anonymous said…
I just wanted to say have faith and keep trying. I suffered 9 miscarriages (including two at 8.5 weeks and an ectopic) before getting pregnant with my rainbow baby. The heartache and pain is unimaginable, as I am sure you are well aware, but the joy is worth every ounce of heartache. Get a second opinion, ask questions, and demand answers. I switched doctors and he ran some different tests, changed some meds, and bam, pregnant. I will also say that the mind plays a much bigger role than I could have ever imagined, so like I said, have faith and believe that this WILL happen...just not always when we want. Maybe check out acupuncture too. I really felt like it made a difference in mind and spirit, and I had multiple positives while going. Prayers to you and may God bless you with a beautiful rainbow.
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim Chodorowski said…
Nicole, I am so so sorry :(. I will keep you, Morgan, and Henry in my prayers
kristykay123 said…
I'm so sorry love. Big hugs and thoughts your way <3
Sarah said…
Oh Nicole, I am SO sorry. You guys are in my thoughts!
Buffy said…
I love you so much, and I really am so sorry.
Anonymous said…
I'm so very very sorry. Tons of thoughts and prayers for your during this painful time.
cpcable said…
I was so hoping this post wasn't coming today. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Nicole. Sending much love and healing your way.
Oh, Nicole, I am so sorry for the loss of your little baby. You (and your little one) will certainly be in my prayers. I am so sorry.
Breanna said…
I am so, so, incredibly sorry :( Please know that I am praying for you and your sweet family, and am here if you need to talk! <3
Anita said…
I am so sorry. Your family is in my heart.
Bri said…
I know there's nothing I can say to make anything better right now, but know I love you and am praying for you and Morgan.
Jade said…
I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I don't have any comforting words, or hopeful quotes, nothing that can help you right now :-( but I do know that you have your beautiful little boy to give you as many cuddles & kisses as he's able to & hopefully that will help ease at least a little of your pain xxxx
kjw said…
I am so unbelievably sorry. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Unknown said…
My heart breaks for you.
Laura Funk said…
:( so sorry. Have you looked into Welcome Womb. I had a few miscarriages as well and used Welcome Womb with my last and got my rainbow.
Laura said…
Oh, Nicole, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine.
Mandy said…
I am so so sorry. I am praying for you and Morgan.
Azielle said…
I'm so incredibly sorry that you have to suffer through yet another loss.
I wish with all my heart that soon you will have your rainbow baby.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Nicole. Prayers for you and your family ♥
Unknown said…
Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray for you and Morgan in the weeks to come.

Popular Posts

The Ultimate Montessori Toy List -- Birth to Five -- UPDATED 2019

When you are interested in Montessori, it can be difficult to know exactly what types of products you should get for your home. Or which types of "Montessori" materials are really worth the price. There are no rules about types of products can use the name Montessori which can add to the confusion. Not to mention, every toy manufacturer slaps the word "educational" on the package for good measure!

2019 UPDATE: This post has been updated to include a variety of brands and new product finds! Just a reminder that no one child will be interested in all of this or needs all of this. These toys are just here to spark ideas and give you a feeling for some Montessori-friendly options available! 


So, with this post, I'm going to try to help with this confusion! Here's a list of Montessori-friendly toys and materials for babies, toddlers and preschoolers. 


First, let's clarify that there is no such thing as a "Montessori toy." Montessori never created to…

Working from Home with Kids - A Montessori Schedule

One part of my life that I haven't talked a ton about here on The Kavanaugh Report is how I'm a work-from-home parent. Eight years ago I started to work at home while parenting full time. For the first several years, I worked as a legal writer while maintaining this space on the side. When Gus was born, I moved into working on sharing our Montessori life full time. It has blossomed into a full time career sharing content here, teaching courses, and now the podcast! Through it all, my kids have been home with me. 
This all seems more relevant to so many of us now that Covid-19 has closed schools and forced parents to stay at home and work while caring for children. I'm not going to lie - it's tough. It's hard to balance work and kids, especially when children are used to a completely different routine. But, it's not impossible! And, it can even be enjoyable. 

As I talk about in my podcast Shelf Help, we block our days into 3 hours groups. It helps me remain fle…

Sensitive Periods from Birth to 6 - A Chart and Guide

Dr. Maria Montessori spent her life observing, studying, and writing about children. During her lifetime of work she discovered that young children move through a series of special times when they are particularly attracted to specific developmental needs and interests. She called these times, sensitive periods. During the sensitive period, children learn skills related to the sensitive period with ease. They don't tire of that work, but seek it, crave it and need it. When the sensitive period passes, this intense desire is gone, never to return. 

That doesn't mean the skill is lost forever once the sensitive period is over. Instead, it just means that it will take a more conscious effort to learn. As Dr. Montessori explains, 
This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you.
"A child learns to adjust himself and make acquisitions in his sensitive periods. These are like a beam that lights interiorly a battery that furnishes energy. It is this sensibility which enables a…