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94 = Number 4

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94

The grief is unspeakable. This was not my rainbow baby. There may never be a rainbow baby.

I'm in a dark place. Any control I felt I had over my life is long gone. And I don't understand why or how this is happening again. But it is. 

4 miscarriages in 11 months. 

The physical loss hasn't happened yet, so these next few days will be long ones for me. I apologize in advance for my absence. 

But, I do want to thank everyone who reached out to or prayed for me and Morgan over the last few days. Your support really is unbelievably helpful and comforting. 

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Comments

Anonymous said…
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You don't know me, but as someone who's experienced multiple miscarriages, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. ((big hugs))
Alena Belleque said…
Oh Nicole, I am so so so sorry :'( My prayers are with you and Morgan and your family.
Heather said…
oh no i'm so sorry nicole :(
Katie said…
I am so, so sorry, Nicole. :(
Dyan Robson said…
I'm so sorry, Nicole.
Anonymous said…
I just wanted to say have faith and keep trying. I suffered 9 miscarriages (including two at 8.5 weeks and an ectopic) before getting pregnant with my rainbow baby. The heartache and pain is unimaginable, as I am sure you are well aware, but the joy is worth every ounce of heartache. Get a second opinion, ask questions, and demand answers. I switched doctors and he ran some different tests, changed some meds, and bam, pregnant. I will also say that the mind plays a much bigger role than I could have ever imagined, so like I said, have faith and believe that this WILL happen...just not always when we want. Maybe check out acupuncture too. I really felt like it made a difference in mind and spirit, and I had multiple positives while going. Prayers to you and may God bless you with a beautiful rainbow.
Kristy Erwin said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim Chodorowski said…
Nicole, I am so so sorry :(. I will keep you, Morgan, and Henry in my prayers
kristykay123 said…
I'm so sorry love. Big hugs and thoughts your way <3
Sarah said…
Oh Nicole, I am SO sorry. You guys are in my thoughts!
Buffy said…
I love you so much, and I really am so sorry.
Prim Rose said…
I'm so very very sorry. Tons of thoughts and prayers for your during this painful time.
cpcable said…
I was so hoping this post wasn't coming today. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Nicole. Sending much love and healing your way.
Oh, Nicole, I am so sorry for the loss of your little baby. You (and your little one) will certainly be in my prayers. I am so sorry.
Breanna said…
I am so, so, incredibly sorry :( Please know that I am praying for you and your sweet family, and am here if you need to talk! <3
Anita said…
I am so sorry. Your family is in my heart.
Bri said…
I know there's nothing I can say to make anything better right now, but know I love you and am praying for you and Morgan.
Jade said…
I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I don't have any comforting words, or hopeful quotes, nothing that can help you right now :-( but I do know that you have your beautiful little boy to give you as many cuddles & kisses as he's able to & hopefully that will help ease at least a little of your pain xxxx
kjw said…
I am so unbelievably sorry. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Becky Marie said…
My heart breaks for you.
Laura Funk said…
:( so sorry. Have you looked into Welcome Womb. I had a few miscarriages as well and used Welcome Womb with my last and got my rainbow.
Laura said…
Oh, Nicole, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine.
Mandy said…
I am so so sorry. I am praying for you and Morgan.
Azielle said…
I'm so incredibly sorry that you have to suffer through yet another loss.
I wish with all my heart that soon you will have your rainbow baby.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Nicole. Prayers for you and your family ♥
Alicia Brookins said…
Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray for you and Morgan in the weeks to come.

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