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January 08, 2014

Pregnant After Loss -- 1st Trimester

I am not a medical expert, or a mental health professional or anyone that can tell you how you should be feeling. But when one in four pregnancies end in loss, so many women get pregnant again on our quest for a rainbow baby. Therefore, I wanted to share my experiences with specifically being pregnant after a loss {or four in my case} during each trimester. 

For me, first trimester was difficult. Really really difficult. Yes, the physical stuff is hard but emotionally its a trip. I almost hoped I would have tough days with the morning sickness so at least I knew that something was happening. 

I had irresistible urges to take a million pregnancy tests, making sure lines were getting darker. Every twinge of pain (totally normal 1st trimester cramps and stretching) sent me running to the bathroom. Getting the results of my blood draws sent me into a panic attack, where I had to focus on catching my breath. The ultrasounds were the same way. 

Emotionally I was constantly preparing for miscarriage. I made sure I had all the physical supplies I would need should a loss occur. I constantly, depending on the time of week, kept a mental tally of who I had to email and call to clear my schedule. I stopped just short of having a blog post explaining my absence already written.

I'm not saying these things to try to scare people who may be trying to get pregnant after a loss. I just want to share my experience. And say, that while it was scary, difficult and painful, I made it. I survived. You can survive. Somethings that helped me: 
  • Take it a day at a time. Just one day. Everyone can live through one day
  • Decide if medical information and intervention relieves or causes stress and schedule/cancel intervention accordingly 
  • Get a support system -- for me I have a wonderful group of ladies who are my virtual BFFs. We've been friends since we were all pregnant way back in 2010 and they are there for me day and night. And I have my lovely readers, who have been amazing and listened. Confide in someone about the pregnancy, find an online community, or start a blog. Sometimes just getting fears {even irrational ones} out helped me greatly. 
  • Know it's alright to ignore the pregnancy. You don't have to think about it all the time. You don't have to talk about it. 
1st trimester passed quicker than I expected. And as the weeks passed, and our medical checks were positive, I felt more and more confident that I wasn't going to miscarry. It was all about survival. I survived. And so can you. 

Does anyone have a different experience being pregnant after a loss? What helped you during the 1st trimester? 


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Anonymous said…
I had a loss at 18 weeks, then we got pregnant shortly after that. My focal point was prayer, prayer, prayer and actually being thankful that I was high risk so that my fears could be alleviated more frequently. Every BP check was a nightmare...I was scared it would go back down to "healthy range"...which is what happened at the appointment when I found out we had lost Parker. I agree with getting a support system, as well as knowing that you don't have to talk about your pregnancy, or even think about it at times. YOUR mental health is what's important, not what everyone sees on the outside.
Anonymous said…
Wow. Thanks so much for sharing and being real. I'd love to connect with you, as my husband and I have had 2 miscarriages in 2 years--still no baby. We've been trying for our first for about 3 years now and the emotions-like you said- are all over the place. I've learned so much about myself through this journey that I never expected to go through. Again, thanks for sharing and being transparent and real. It's nice to see someone on the "other side" as it's my hope we will be too someday soon.
My blog is & email through Google+ :)
Anonymous said…
I loved reading this. I miscarried a few years ago at 6 weeks. Today I am 5w3days pregnant. It is my first last and every thought that something may happen and I too am willing for symptoms so I can believe that I really am pregnant and that all will be well. I have booked a scan for 7 weeks to reassure myself that all is well. I hope that after that I will relax a little... one day at a time is all we can do for now.
Anonymous said…
I miscarried at 6 weeks Jan 17 2016. I'm now pregnant after a year of trying. I am filled with joy at every symptom I have then worry when they lessen that day. I'm now almost 9 weeks and on bed rest I found praying helps most days but still doesn't keep me from worrying that when I go to the bathroom next will there be blood. It's a constant battle with myself to stay joyful. Glad to know I'm not in this alone. Can't wait to hold my living healthy baby.