Skip to main content

The Most Difficult Year: 2013 Recap

In December 2012, I thought I had just lived through one of the hardest years of my life. And, I had. But then 2013 happened, and blew 2012 right out of the water. 

This year. I don't even know what to say. It has been the hardest, most challenging, worst, horrible, life-changing year. And, I already know what some of you are thinking -- I have a wonderful supportive husband, a healthy happy toddler and wiggly little inside-baby. But, getting to this place has sucked. A lot. 

This year I miscarried a child in January, March and July. I was on some sort of fertility drug (either progesterone or clomid) for nearly 6 months this year. We spent thousands of dollars on medical testing that led to zero answers. We suffered failed fertility treatments -- which those of you have struggled with infertility know is a devastation in and of itself. 

We hit 12 months of trying for a second child, then 18 months, then 22 months before getting our 5th positive test. We endured weeks of uncertainty {with a 50 to 60 percent chance of failure} to learn whether this pregnancy was even viable. 

I have battled depression, for the first time in my life. Depression that has effected my ability to parent and to be a good spouse. I have been downright difficult a lot of the time -- and Morgan deserves a metal for having to deal with me. He even stuck me with a needle {as part of the fertility treatments} with a smile. And speaking of Morgan, our relationship has had to endure these struggles. It hasn't been easy -- especially when money and time for date nights has been short. 

And Henry, he's had to come with me to so many doctor appointments, blood draws, and ultrasounds. He's had to deal with a mom that can't control her emotions, a mother who has been in physical and emotional pain, and mom who was so tired that some days she couldn't even get off the couch.   

Don't get me wrong, there's been joy this year too. Long, warm summer days where we made the absolute most of our time as a family. Our trip to Chicago to visit some of our favorite people. Henry's 2nd birthday. This blog's success. My time at Blogher. Our new nephew. Seeing Baby K 2.0's heart beating.  

I hope this joy multiplies by infinity in 2014. As the door closes on 2013, I don't plan on looking back. It may be a struggle, and one that I have to work really hard on, but I really want to try to leave the pain of 2013 right here, and just be done. 

So, here's to 2014, and all the hope, promise and joy a new year can bring. 

signature

Comments

Here's to 2014! May the coming year be filled with the kind of days that erase the memories of struggle and leave you overflowing with joy. Hugs for you Nicole!
Kaysha said…
Praying for a better year this year for you! It can be so hard to remain positive when things are difficult for so long, but I sincerely hope all of the difficult days are behind you!
Breanna said…
You and your sweet family are always in my prayers! You are so strong. <3
Unknown said…
I've been exactly where you are 9 years ago. If you need someone to talk to ever, I'm here. I'm sure 2014 will be amazing for you :) Good Luck and Happy New Year!!
Unknown said…
I'm with ya, Nicole...not 2013 but 4 IVF miscarriages and a similar journey with fertility then the decision to choose a surrogate...then 2013 success! There are definitely parts of my journey I won't look back on...but the end result will be my 2011 miracle (stork literally dropped a little boy in our lives, whom we've adopted) and now a June 21 due date via an amazing, beautiful loving surrogate...so in 2014 we get to enjoy our complete family of mommy, daddy, 2 little boys (just found out yesterday!) and 2 boy doggies. Here's to 2014!

Popular Posts

The Ultimate Montessori Toy List -- Birth to Five -- UPDATED 2021

When you are interested in Montessori, it can be difficult to know exactly what types of products you should get for your home. Or which types of "Montessori" materials are really worth the price. There are no rules about types of products can use the name Montessori which can add to the confusion. Not to mention, every toy manufacturer slaps the word "educational" on the package for good measure! 2021 UPDATE: Please be patient with links this year, with supply chain issues things are selling out faster and restocking slower. I anticipate some of the specialty toys will not restock once they are gone. Puzzles, in particular, have been difficult to find in stock. So, with this post, I'm going to try to help with this confusion! Here's a list of Montessori-friendly toys and materials for babies, toddlers and preschoolers.  First, let's clarify that there is no such thing as a "Montessori toy." Montessori never created toys, bu

Montessori Toddler: Favorite Toys and Activities 18 to 20 months

I've been putting off this post for a little while because I felt a little disappointed that I didn't have more to share. See, Teddy just isn't that into materials, especially those on the shelf. He tends to return to a couple of favorites over and over again and ignore all other attempts at shelf work. But, really that's my own adult feelings getting in the way of Teddy's own interests, and developmental path.  It's also me subconsciously valuing fine motor skills and stillness as more important than gross motor play and movement. I working hard not to do that, and want to normalize that all toddlers are different. All children have different interests and that concentration doesn't have to mean sitting still for long stretches of time.  This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you. With all that said, here are some of Teddy's favorites over the last couple of months. Favorite Montessori Toys 18 to 20 Months I'm listing the toys that have be

Our Family's Montessori Christmas Gift Lists 2021

It's hard to believe another holiday season is upon us again. Every year I enjoy putting together my kids' Christmas gift lists. It's really a good time to observe them, see what they are interested in and what they might be ready for during this coming year. It's one of the few times a year that I purchase new materials for our home so it's always really exciting. IF YOU NEED MORE IDEAS DON'T MISS MY ULTIMATE MONTESSORI TOY LIST OR MY 2021 DEALS PAGE ! When considering these lists, please remember that these were curated based on my own children. Use them for inspiration but they are heavily influenced by what my children are into and interested in. And for my older second plane children, what they have asked for!  Here's a look at our family's Montessori Christmas lists for 2021!  This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you.  Theodore (Toddler) Teddy is just over 2-years-old. Being our fourth baby, he is really hard for me to think of unique