Skip to main content

94 = Number 4

77
129
94

The grief is unspeakable. This was not my rainbow baby. There may never be a rainbow baby.

I'm in a dark place. Any control I felt I had over my life is long gone. And I don't understand why or how this is happening again. But it is. 

4 miscarriages in 11 months. 

The physical loss hasn't happened yet, so these next few days will be long ones for me. I apologize in advance for my absence. 

But, I do want to thank everyone who reached out to or prayed for me and Morgan over the last few days. Your support really is unbelievably helpful and comforting. 

signature

Comments

Anonymous said…
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You don't know me, but as someone who's experienced multiple miscarriages, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. ((big hugs))
July 1, 2013 at 2:36 PM
Unknown said…
Oh Nicole, I am so so so sorry :'( My prayers are with you and Morgan and your family.
July 1, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Heather said…
oh no i'm so sorry nicole :(
July 1, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Katie said…
I am so, so sorry, Nicole. :(
July 1, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Dyan Robson said…
I'm so sorry, Nicole.
July 1, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Anonymous said…
I just wanted to say have faith and keep trying. I suffered 9 miscarriages (including two at 8.5 weeks and an ectopic) before getting pregnant with my rainbow baby. The heartache and pain is unimaginable, as I am sure you are well aware, but the joy is worth every ounce of heartache. Get a second opinion, ask questions, and demand answers. I switched doctors and he ran some different tests, changed some meds, and bam, pregnant. I will also say that the mind plays a much bigger role than I could have ever imagined, so like I said, have faith and believe that this WILL happen...just not always when we want. Maybe check out acupuncture too. I really felt like it made a difference in mind and spirit, and I had multiple positives while going. Prayers to you and may God bless you with a beautiful rainbow.
July 1, 2013 at 3:02 PM
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
July 1, 2013 at 3:08 PM
Kim Chodorowski said…
Nicole, I am so so sorry :(. I will keep you, Morgan, and Henry in my prayers
July 1, 2013 at 3:09 PM
kristykay123 said…
I'm so sorry love. Big hugs and thoughts your way <3
July 1, 2013 at 3:10 PM
Sarah said…
Oh Nicole, I am SO sorry. You guys are in my thoughts!
July 1, 2013 at 3:32 PM
Buffy said…
I love you so much, and I really am so sorry.
July 1, 2013 at 3:42 PM
Anonymous said…
I'm so very very sorry. Tons of thoughts and prayers for your during this painful time.
July 1, 2013 at 4:14 PM
cpcable said…
I was so hoping this post wasn't coming today. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Nicole. Sending much love and healing your way.
July 1, 2013 at 4:49 PM
Michele Chronister said…
Oh, Nicole, I am so sorry for the loss of your little baby. You (and your little one) will certainly be in my prayers. I am so sorry.
July 1, 2013 at 6:39 PM
Breanna said…
I am so, so, incredibly sorry :( Please know that I am praying for you and your sweet family, and am here if you need to talk! <3
July 1, 2013 at 9:15 PM
Anita said…
I am so sorry. Your family is in my heart.
July 1, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Bri said…
I know there's nothing I can say to make anything better right now, but know I love you and am praying for you and Morgan.
July 1, 2013 at 11:17 PM
Jade said…
I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. I don't have any comforting words, or hopeful quotes, nothing that can help you right now :-( but I do know that you have your beautiful little boy to give you as many cuddles & kisses as he's able to & hopefully that will help ease at least a little of your pain xxxx
July 2, 2013 at 8:14 AM
kjw said…
I am so unbelievably sorry. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
July 2, 2013 at 8:42 AM
Unknown said…
My heart breaks for you.
July 2, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Laura Funk said…
:( so sorry. Have you looked into Welcome Womb. I had a few miscarriages as well and used Welcome Womb with my last and got my rainbow.
July 2, 2013 at 10:37 AM
Laura said…
Oh, Nicole, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine.
July 2, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Mandy said…
I am so so sorry. I am praying for you and Morgan.
July 2, 2013 at 5:15 PM
Azielle said…
I'm so incredibly sorry that you have to suffer through yet another loss.
I wish with all my heart that soon you will have your rainbow baby.
July 4, 2013 at 2:10 PM
Amy @ Wildflower Ramblings said…
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Nicole. Prayers for you and your family ♥
July 6, 2013 at 7:23 AM
Unknown said…
Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. I will continue to pray for you and Morgan in the weeks to come.
July 7, 2013 at 1:27 PM

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

The Ultimate Montessori Toy List -- Birth to Five -- UPDATED 2020

When you are interested in Montessori, it can be difficult to know exactly what types of products you should get for your home. Or which types of "Montessori" materials are really worth the price. There are no rules about types of products can use the name Montessori which can add to the confusion. Not to mention, every toy manufacturer slaps the word "educational" on the package for good measure! 2020 UPDATE: This list is updated for another year! Enjoy a variety of Montessori friendly finds from both major retailers and smaller shops!  So, with this post, I'm going to try to help with this confusion! Here's a list of Montessori-friendly toys and materials for babies, toddlers and preschoolers.  First, let's clarify that there is no such thing as a "Montessori toy." Montessori never created toys, but only works for classroom settings. While there are many works that I recommend for home school use, you won't find these
21 comments
Continue reading

Montessori Toddler: Favorite Toys and Activities 18 to 20 months

I've been putting off this post for a little while because I felt a little disappointed that I didn't have more to share. See, Teddy just isn't that into materials, especially those on the shelf. He tends to return to a couple of favorites over and over again and ignore all other attempts at shelf work. But, really that's my own adult feelings getting in the way of Teddy's own interests, and developmental path.  It's also me subconsciously valuing fine motor skills and stillness as more important than gross motor play and movement. I working hard not to do that, and want to normalize that all toddlers are different. All children have different interests and that concentration doesn't have to mean sitting still for long stretches of time.  This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you. With all that said, here are some of Teddy's favorites over the last couple of months. Favorite Montessori Toys 18 to 20 Months I'm listing the toys that have be
Post a Comment
Continue reading

Sensitive Periods from Birth to 6 - A Chart and Guide

Dr. Maria Montessori spent her life observing, studying, and writing about children. During her lifetime of work she discovered that young children move through a series of special times when they are particularly attracted to specific developmental needs and interests. She called these times, sensitive periods. During the sensitive period, children learn skills related to the sensitive period with ease. They don't tire of that work, but seek it, crave it and need it. When the sensitive period passes, this intense desire is gone, never to return.  That doesn't mean the skill is lost forever once the sensitive period is over. Instead, it just means that it will take a more conscious effort to learn. As Dr. Montessori explains,  This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you. "A child learns to adjust himself and make acquisitions in his sensitive periods. These are like a beam that lights interiorly a battery that furnishes energy. It is this sensibility which enables
2 comments
Continue reading