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Due Date Number 2

Today was my due date for my second miscarried pregnancy. I almost didn't write a post about it, but then I felt guilty. Like, I wasn't properly acknowledging this baby's short life. 

This pregnancy was different from the beginning from my other two pregnancies up to this point. With the other two pregnancies, I took the tests because it was time to take the tests. This one, I knew I was pregnant. Long before I could have known. That was what was special about this pregnancy. 

But I was also spotting by the time a test confirmed This was also the first time I miscarried at home and marks one of the worst experiences of my life. 

I'm sorry, if you guys are sick of reading posts like this. To be honest, I so wish my life wasn't measured by days like  this. Over the last year and nine months my life has been  defined by my fertility and infertility. Before the losses, time was kept based on days until ovulation, or days post ovulation. Now, life is marked with due dates, and losses. It's an exhausting way to live, but I'm not sure how to change that. 

Today is also Morgan's birthday. So, happy birthday Morgan. I'm sorry it's bittersweet. 

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Comments

Susan said…
I'm so sorry, Nicole. I imagine these "anniversary" dates are pretty rough. :(
Deb Chitwood said…
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, Nicole. Sending lots of love and prayers.
Heather said…
Sorry you have to go through this Nicole. Don't apologize for posts like this. It is and will always be part of your life. Stay strong and give Henry extra hugs today. Happy Birthday to Morgan too!
Unknown said…
Thinking of you and sending love and support. I know the sting of certain dates (coming up 5 years since I found out that I had lost my first bub at 13.5 weeks) and time does heal. As does being kind to yourself and remembering that it's about moving forward, not moving on. Never apologise for sharing this hun, we are here to listen and support from afar.
The Pajama Mama said…
Lots of love to you and M right now.
Tess said…
By talking about it, you make it okay for other women to talk about it. You're helping those women validate their feelings about miscarriage, and letting them know they are not alone in feeling how they are feeling. You're doing good work : )

Happy Birthday Morgan : )

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