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Our first RE appointment is tomorrow. I'm so excited -- 6 weeks without having a plan has been killing me. But I'm also super nervous. I just don't know what I want out of this appointment. 

Part of me is so scared, although this is unlikely, that the RE is going to say "you're hopeless, time to move on, be happy with the kid you have." Ok, so maybe that is really really unlikely. But, I am really afraid of a low percentage of success and knowing that we may walk away with more bad news. 

On the other hand, I'm super afraid that he's going to say "easy, peazy, you're going to be pregnant is no time." Because, then I have to be pregnant again. And, I think its safe to say that the anxiety I have about getting another positive pregnancy test is pretty daunting at the moment. 

I know, I'm coming off a little crazy here. Fear of not being able to get pregnant, fear of pregnancy. Perfect. So...that's where I'm at. 

I'm coping by nervous crafting today. Painting wooden crates I picked up at Goodwill and some wooden letters for Hen's big boy room, that is officially getting underway. At least I can use my nervous energy for some good. 


Good luck! I understand your anxiety about that. Don't get me wrong - I'm an anxious person already. But the conflict of "am I pregnant?" vs. "what if I can't get pregnant?" is so daunting!
Sarah said…
Thinking of you!
Beth said…
Omg. Nicole.

So I got to your blog after you kindly stopped by mine, and I was like, "Neat! Her kid is close in age to my kid's! Ooh, and she does just the sort of activities with him I love to do with my child! Ooh, and they're easily pinnable!" Win.

But then I read this post, and I was like, "Ok, how is Nicole not my bff on the Internet yet?"

(Sorry--moving too fast? I sorta just met you, and already I'm declaring my intention to make you my internet bff. I am probably moving too fast. I tend to get over-excited. It's okay if you don't want to be bffs. If that is the case, I'll probably just turn into your blog-stalker, haha.)

But I just read this post, and I was like, Holy Cow, Nicole and I, we have to be friends. Because what you said: that's it, that's it exactly.

We're also on the ttc path. Haven't told many people on Internet-land about that, but there ya go. And I have the EXACT SAME THOUGHTS about fearing NOT being able to get pregnant again versus OMG What would I do if I were pregnant!??? I thought I was the only person in the whole world with pendulum-y thoughts like this, and now I'm so glad to find out I'm not alone!

Now I guess I just need some crates to paint.
Kirstylee said…
Good luck! I had a miscarriage and then got pregnant soon after. What I didn't expect was how nervous I would be with my NEXT pregnancy. Of course, every second I was just waiting to have another miscarriage. All I know is that it helps me to stay calm, but it's okay to be nervous too. You have good reason!
Its a seriously crazy way to have to think! But lets be internet friends!!

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