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March 14, 2012

Our First Moments

Warning, this is another sappy Hen-is-Turning-1-and-I'm-Freaking-Out-About-it post. If not interested, turn around and back out slowly.

I was looking around the blog the other day reviewing my year with Henry to prepare for all these flashback posts. And, I stumbled upon our birth story. After re-reading it, I was struck by the fact that I didn't really include emotions or pictures from that day. While it was accurate, it was strictly a timeline of the day's events.

I'm not sure why I exactly choose to write it that way. Probably because Hen was 10 days old. I was nursing around the clock, and sleeping for only an hour or so at a time. Plus, I look terrible in every picture. But, it's really sad I didn't include more details from the emotional side of his birth.

I barely remember those early moments after Henry was born. I had been awake for over 24 hours. I just had a baby. Plus, our birthing instructor said after birth there is some hormonal release which has an amnesia effect on the mother...something about forgetting exactly how painful it really is...the human race will find a way to go on.

My biggest regret over this last year, aside from not getting Henry on reflux medications more quickly, has been not filming Henry's birth. Not that I really have any interest in watching the "birth" per se, but I would give anything to see those early seconds with him. All I have are the pictures, and while they are great (and I finally included some - omg look at how tiny he was) they only tell one side of the story.

What I do remember is the shear joy, happiness, and indescribable love I had for Henry from the second he was placed on my chest. Maybe that's why I didn't include it in my first story. I just couldn't find the words - it was too fresh, too new, too raw. And you know what, a year later I think it is still just way to...indescribable...

and I hope it always stays that way.

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Tasha said…
Aww, this was so sweet. You look so happy with Henry!

I am going back and forth on filming our baby's birth. I think I might have my doula and Brendan have the camera and do "check ins." Your post sort of solidified the need for some video!! I've already told my Doula her #1 job is to get to my camera and get the first picture of me seeing my baby...even if I'm a mess. (Likely I will be, LOL.)

I know we are going to do a little intro video on ustream, like our wedding...Brendan has too many friends in weird places to NOT share baby via the internet! :)
Lindsay said…
Aww, this entry was so sweet. I feel the same way about my birth story. At the time, I was going through SO MUCH medically...but yet my entry plays out like a timeline. "And then this happened next." It's strange how that happens. These pictures are absolutely sweet. <3

I didn't know Henry has reflux! So does Ethan. He's been on Gelmix, the natural and organic thickener, since a couple of weeks old so we haven't had to go the medication route but it was pretty freaking scary in the beginning. When you're a new parent, you're not exactly prepared for what happens when your baby starts choking each time he eats!
Melinda said…
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Nicole @ The Kavanaugh Report
Consider it carefully! Those moments you will never get back. We will certainly be filming the next baby's birth. But I'm not sure how "graphic" it will be, maybe just an over the shoulder thing.
Nicole @ The Kavanaugh Report
Reflux is absolutely horrid. I didn't know Ethan had it either. You can look back, I talk about our struggles with it a lot. Hen was misdiagnosed with colic, then finally properly diagnosed at just about 3 months with reflux. It took us until he was 9.5 months old to get a proper dose of medication. He now takes 2 adult doses of Prevacid per day just to stay comfortable. Ugh. We just tried and failed to wean him from one dose, so there is no end in sight for us.

Maybe the reflux is why they have such similar personalities?