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September 09, 2010

The Ten Commandments of Baseball Watching Etiquette

1. Do not block the view of the game from other fans. This is the most important of all the Commandments. I know this seems like a shock, but some people attend Minnesota Twins baseball games at Target Field to watch baseball. I know, I know, crazy considering how much delicious food you can eat, along with an amazing beer selection. However, a small percentage of people at Target Field did pay good money to sit and watch the game taking place on the field. Basically, you should not get up when the pitcher has actually thrown the baseball towards home plate, or anytime the ball is in play. This also applies when coming back to your seat.

2. Do not sit through the entire half-inning, and then wait until the moment in time when the pitcher is starting to pitch. Why do you sit there the entire time when nothing is going on and then wait until the game is back on to get up and get another hot dog? This is especially annoying when you sit in the middle of the row, because then you are just maximizing your annoyingness. Just get up when everyone else does.

3. Do not stand up and continue to stand up for no reason. For example, don’t get up to leave during a break in the action (which is fine), but then stop and chat to your buddy, shake hands, talk about your weekend, and make plans for next week when everyone behind you is trying to watch Joe Mauer get the go-ahead RBI double. Usually this is remedied by a “down in front” comment, or thrown pop corn, peanuts or seeds.

4. Do not arrive to the game in the 4th inning, and then leave in the 7th inning. Just don’t come; sell your tickets, or give them to someone who will appreciate them.

5. Do not talk really loud about baseball strategy when you have no idea what you are talking about. For example, don’t say things like “Jason Kubel is one of the fastest guys on the team, of course they should have sent him on that play” when Jason Kubel is actually one of the slowest guys on the team. In fact, he’s the slowest guy next to big Jim Thome. All I’m saying is just keep those comments among your own group.

6. Do not boo and complain about balls and strikes calls when you sit in the upper deck. Or from the Budweiser Roof Deck. Pretty much the only people who should be complaining about those calls are the people in the first 5 rows right behind home plate.

7. Do not boo and complain when the umpire does not call a balk when the opposing pitcher fakes a throw to a base. It’s not a balk to fake throw to a base. I bet you don’t even know what the balk rule is, so just leave it alone.

8. Do not boo and complain when the pitcher throws over to first a couple of times when Span or Cassila are on first; they are a threat to steal and I don’t blame them for throwing over to first. However, it is OK to boo when Thome is on first, with a lead of six inches, and we’re up by 8 runs. Then that’s more annoying than you annoying fans.

9. If you know you drink a lot of beer, next year, pick season ticket seats on the aisle, because your constant getting up and down to get beer, or to go to the bathroom gets really, really old.

10. Do not participate in the wave. Enough said.

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