Skip to main content

Due Date Number 2

Today was my due date for my second miscarried pregnancy. I almost didn't write a post about it, but then I felt guilty. Like, I wasn't properly acknowledging this baby's short life. 

This pregnancy was different from the beginning from my other two pregnancies up to this point. With the other two pregnancies, I took the tests because it was time to take the tests. This one, I knew I was pregnant. Long before I could have known. That was what was special about this pregnancy. 

But I was also spotting by the time a test confirmed This was also the first time I miscarried at home and marks one of the worst experiences of my life. 

I'm sorry, if you guys are sick of reading posts like this. To be honest, I so wish my life wasn't measured by days like  this. Over the last year and nine months my life has been  defined by my fertility and infertility. Before the losses, time was kept based on days until ovulation, or days post ovulation. Now, life is marked with due dates, and losses. It's an exhausting way to live, but I'm not sure how to change that. 

Today is also Morgan's birthday. So, happy birthday Morgan. I'm sorry it's bittersweet. 

signature

Comments

Susan said…
I'm so sorry, Nicole. I imagine these "anniversary" dates are pretty rough. :(
Deb Chitwood said…
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, Nicole. Sending lots of love and prayers.
Heather said…
Sorry you have to go through this Nicole. Don't apologize for posts like this. It is and will always be part of your life. Stay strong and give Henry extra hugs today. Happy Birthday to Morgan too!
Unknown said…
Thinking of you and sending love and support. I know the sting of certain dates (coming up 5 years since I found out that I had lost my first bub at 13.5 weeks) and time does heal. As does being kind to yourself and remembering that it's about moving forward, not moving on. Never apologise for sharing this hun, we are here to listen and support from afar.
The Pajama Mama said…
Lots of love to you and M right now.
Tess said…
By talking about it, you make it okay for other women to talk about it. You're helping those women validate their feelings about miscarriage, and letting them know they are not alone in feeling how they are feeling. You're doing good work : )

Happy Birthday Morgan : )

Popular Posts

The Ultimate Montessori Toy List -- Birth to Five -- UPDATED 2020

When you are interested in Montessori, it can be difficult to know exactly what types of products you should get for your home. Or which types of "Montessori" materials are really worth the price. There are no rules about types of products can use the name Montessori which can add to the confusion. Not to mention, every toy manufacturer slaps the word "educational" on the package for good measure! 2020 UPDATE: This list is updated for another year! Enjoy a variety of Montessori friendly finds from both major retailers and smaller shops!  So, with this post, I'm going to try to help with this confusion! Here's a list of Montessori-friendly toys and materials for babies, toddlers and preschoolers.  First, let's clarify that there is no such thing as a "Montessori toy." Montessori never created toys, but only works for classroom settings. While there are many works that I recommend for home school use, you won't find these

Sensitive Periods from Birth to 6 - A Chart and Guide

Dr. Maria Montessori spent her life observing, studying, and writing about children. During her lifetime of work she discovered that young children move through a series of special times when they are particularly attracted to specific developmental needs and interests. She called these times, sensitive periods. During the sensitive period, children learn skills related to the sensitive period with ease. They don't tire of that work, but seek it, crave it and need it. When the sensitive period passes, this intense desire is gone, never to return.  That doesn't mean the skill is lost forever once the sensitive period is over. Instead, it just means that it will take a more conscious effort to learn. As Dr. Montessori explains,  This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you. "A child learns to adjust himself and make acquisitions in his sensitive periods. These are like a beam that lights interiorly a battery that furnishes energy. It is this sensibility which enables

Our Kids' Montessori Gift Lists 2020

With the holiday season upon us we've been making lists and gathering gifts for the Kavanaugh children. It's always a fun process of observing my children, seeing what they would really be interested in and making some decisions based on what I see. This year is different because I'm also making decisions knowing that we are looking at a very long and quiet winter ahead. So that's influencing the amount I will buy and the specific choices I will/have made.  Henry and Nora are also at the point, being into the second plane of development, where they heavily influence the items on the list and what is ultimately purchased. So, you'll see that while Montessori influences what I will purchase and what goes on their list, so does their own preferences and personality.  This post contains affiliate links at no cost to you.  Theodore Teddy is 14-months-old right now and as the fourth baby, we have so many toddler things. But, there are a few things I've still found tha