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April 13, 2010

Last Days of Class

I have 9 days of class left. 9 days. I've been working toward this moment the last seven years, and finally its almost here. Two words come to mind:

TERRIFIC: Fantastic, amazing, wonderful, awesome...I could go on and on about how great it feels to finally be done with my education. I can finally become a productive member of society. I can work, earn money, buy things. I can sleep-in on the weekends. I can read for FUN. I can have guilt-free time with my family and friends. I can have me-time. I can play Sims for hours at a time. I can have hobbies. I can stop racking up huge amounts of debt. I can (hopefully) stop having stress dreams about exams, homework, and odd combinations of the two.

To me, the end of school basically opens up a whole new level of freedom for myself that I haven't felt since the beginning of college. I have the freedom to stop competing with myself (and others) for the next best grade and just be happy about where I'm at.

TERRIFYING:Frightening, overwhelming, scary...I could go on and on here too. For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan. And for those of you who know me well, know that I'm a planner and a worrier. In school, I have everything planned out; I plan my day, my week, my month, my semester. I live for routine, and I've gotten very accustomed to the academic lifestyle and routine. Now...*poof*...that's gone. After July 28 (the last day of the bar exam), I have no idea what I'm going to do. I have no idea where I'll work (or even if I'll get a job - the market is pretty bleak), how I'll pay the bills, what I'll do in my free-time, how I'll see my friends, and the list goes on and on. Scary.

Also, with school ending I realize that my care-free young adult days are coming to an end. Maybe, I should have realized this awhile ago - I have made a lot of major grown-up decisions (I've moved to new cities, I've earned two degrees, I got married). But for some reason graduation (and probably my rapidly approaching 25th birthday) have brought this to the forefront of my mind.  Adulthood is not necessarily a bad thing, its just scary to realize how much responsibility (and freedom) I really have.

During these next 9 days, I'm going to try to cherish my last moments as a student, and the lifestyle I've become so accustomed to, and try to embrace the change and freedom to come.

OK, enough reflection. :-)

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