Warning, this is another sappy Hen-is-Turning-1-and-I'm-Freaking-Out-About-it post. If not interested, turn around and back out slowly.
I was looking around the blog the other day reviewing my year with Henry to prepare for all these flashback posts. And, I stumbled upon our birth story. After re-reading it, I was struck by the fact that I didn't really include emotions or pictures from that day. While it was accurate, it was strictly a timeline of the day's events.
I'm not sure why I exactly choose to write it that way. Probably because Hen was 10 days old. I was nursing around the clock, and sleeping for only an hour or so at a time. Plus, I look terrible in every picture. But, it's really sad I didn't include more details from the emotional side of his birth.
I barely remember those early moments after Henry was born. I had been awake for over 24 hours. I just had a baby. Plus, our birthing instructor said after birth there is some hormonal release which has an amnesia effect on the mother...something about forgetting exactly how painful it really is...the human race will find a way to go on.
My biggest regret over this last year, aside from not getting Henry on reflux medications more quickly, has been not filming Henry's birth. Not that I really have any interest in watching the "birth" per se, but I would give anything to see those early seconds with him. All I have are the pictures, and while they are great (and I finally included some - omg look at how tiny he was) they only tell one side of the story.
What I do remember is the shear joy, happiness, and indescribable love I had for Henry from the second he was placed on my chest. Maybe that's why I didn't include it in my first story. I just couldn't find the words - it was too fresh, too new, too raw. And you know what, a year later I think it is still just way to...indescribable...
and I hope it always stays that way.