Unexpected Emotions

Yesterday, when we started our new sleep training, or baby boot camp as I have been lovingly referring to it, I knew it was not going to be easy. I expected to get less sleep and listen to screaming. I prepared for it. I am prepared for it.

But I wasn't prepared for the sense of loss I felt last night. For maybe one of the first nights ever, I did not rock Henry. Not once. We did nurse, but only once at 5:00 am. But at that point, Henry didn't even seem that interested, and it was more to relieve my physical pain than anything (side-note: 10 hours without nursing...ouch).

Well, I missed that rocking, cuddling, and nursing. Really, really missed it. Like, lay awake while Henry is sleeping thinking about how much I want to rock and nurse him, missed it. I felt a deep sense of loss. I feel a deep sense of loss. All of a sudden none of this feels natural. I'm fighting an urge to bring him back in to our bed. I want to hold him forever.

Can anyone tell me whats going on here? I asked for this. Why on earth can't I just take the sleep and be happy? Why can't my baby stay a baby forever? I hate this growing up stuff. We need another baby around here.

And for those of you who are wondering how yesterday went...It actually went much better than expected. He screamed through his first nap. Napped on his own for the second. He was up screaming twice (1:50 of awake time) and took 45 min to fall asleep - while screaming. Oh and add some barfing in there; since screaming wasn't enough, Henry added some vomit too.

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  1. It's pretty amazing how similar our children are. I read your blog and seriously- I feel like I could be writing some of your posts. Aubrey is a reflux baby like Henry and a crappy sleeper. I can relate to what you are going through! Hang in there!

    PS. In regards to the missed rocking/nursing etc. It gets easier. I still miss getting up with Aubrey and feeding her/bonding with her in the middle of the night and I cut out night feedings after Thanksgiving.It'll get easier for you!

  2. Thanks for the support! Reflux babies are so difficult. I hope you're getting some sleep.


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